Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i barfeds in our rink
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize