what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
