yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
