Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
