You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
PANTIES FOUND
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
