I hate all girls vehemently.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize