You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
