We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
