whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
