your parents love me but you hate me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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