it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
