Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
