When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize