I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
