I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
