My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
