dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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