my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
two words...techno handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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