No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
