We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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