i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize