apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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