i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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