Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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