The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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