Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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