I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
