I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
