i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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