Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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