Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
