"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im holly from the hills drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
