Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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