when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
