i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
not ubering you a puppy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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