i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
