I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
