there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
