Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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