I'm sorry my penis didn't work
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
