It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
