I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
