foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
