True but thats because hes a fetus.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
