This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize