You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
