Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
