My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
