I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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