have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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