I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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