Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
