It's Friday. Sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
