i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
