I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
