I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
