I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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