shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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