god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
