i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
