P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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