i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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