i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
