Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
