his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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