I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
