That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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