I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
