covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
