I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
