You can't motorboat a personality
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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