Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
